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Livejournal was never really my thing, but here I am... I'm pretty much just bored, which is ironic cuz I have so much shit to do today!!!
I really want to clean the apartment today - surprise Kenny and shit. I fucking love it when that place is clean. I can't fucking wait till we're done with it! Well I don't think that will ever happen really, cuz I fucking love decorating. There's so much I want to do with it and so much shit to buy!! First things first - car, computer, washer and dryer.

WE JUST GOT A SECOND JOB! It's pretty exciting. $600 extra every month for 15 days work, just 3 hours a day. Amazing, right? We deliver newspapers! It's a pretty fucking awesome job. Although, we haven't really REALLY really started it yet. We're still in training. Tuesday morning (around 3am) was our first day. We just went with this old dude who basically showed us the ropes. This guy was fuckin crazy, man! He's like 65 and he rolls the papers while he's driving AND drinking coffee, smoking, and talking to us all at the same time. He delivers to two neighborhoods, over 250 papers a night (350 on weekends) and remembers EVERY SINGLE HOUSE that gets a paper and doesn't get a paper and gets it only on weekends or sundays and gets the spanish paper and business paper. Isn't that insane? YES!

So I should probably get going so I can get my shit done:
clean the house
pay the cell phone bill
drop netflix in the box
get the mail
get something to eat
buy super glue and nail clippers
hang stuff on the walls
buy paint
start upholstering the chairs

R I really like
R the smooth sounds
O and jazzy beats
W of Stellastarr*

I have so much shit to do. Ever since college started it's been mega stress central, I tell you what. Noooo seriously. like SERIOUSLY. It's so much harder than highschool. I'm so used to not studying and still making A's. I'm used to playing "find the C's" on my transcript and it actually being a challenge. Now I'm gonna have to come up with a new game... like "find the A's and B's" or some shit. That just doesn't sound fun to me!! And all this financial aid bullshit. Man, it's so fucking complicated. And there's a deadline for everything!!! And there's my problem with being out every second of free time I have and falling asleep when I finally get around to doing my homework. I suck at this college stuff. But I'm sure it's just a phase.
I'm in college now. - UNT

My wallet was stolen with TWO HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS inside!!! So that was pretty bad ass. Probably the highlight of my life since the last time I was here.

Just kidding!! It definitely sucks.

Stellastarr* on Wednesday!!
Life is fucking rad. Everyone is fucking rad.
I skip class to hang out with the Lewisville crew.
I enjoy the occasional WASSUP WASSUP.
Last night what's-his-face called me to go to a club with him... but I had h/w.
Chris invited me to spend the night... but I had h/w.
What's-his-face invited me to waffle house... still had h/w. (Trevor!)
The outfit I'm wearing is definitely hip.
Me and Nerissa are cool now! She's badass.
Babies R Us is still rockin.
And my car is still pimp.
BRAD WROTE HIS NUMBER ON MY RECIEPT (but it was inside my wallet which later that day WAS STOLEN!)
I filed a police report yesterday... about my stolen wallet... and met this guy who just got out of jail.
El Chico is really good. Jayme got an award for graduating middle school.
I spent the night at Bilal's 2 nights ago... and stole some sunglasses on accident.
I miss Ashley Webber.
But I miss Blanca the most.
All in all though... fucking rad.

ps. (when I was doing my html coding shit just now, i accidentally typed "blanca" instead of "black" because I fucking miss her!!!!) I hate not seeing her.
I'm REALLY fucking sick of everyone


Let me just go read someone else's conversation and tell the person it was about...all about it. Do people have nothing better to do with their lives? Women sit around talking shit with their son's friends and all they have to show for themselves is that they're capable of banning kids from their homes. Because of shit that they heard. It makes them feel high and mighty. And then there's kids who hear something said about a friend of theirs so OH SHIT they gotta tell them. I guess it makes them feel cool that they know something that other people don't know so they gotta prove themselves. And it's always a plus to not even know the whole story. I'm getting pretty sick and tired of all the talking that goes on. If ya don't know the whole story, just don't tell it. And it's probably not your business to be telling in the first place. Hey do me a favor guys... and just shut the fuck up, k thanks.

good GOD

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.
About something pretty big.
But I don't know what I'd be getting into.
So I don't think I'll bring it up for a while.
It's about a certain someone.
And a certain place.
But seriously...SHHH don't tell.
I love it how guys [and girls] can say the sweetest things you've ever heard and make you feel so fucking wonderful about yourself and start thinking about the future...something you've never done much of. I love it how they can throw their words around, make them seem way meaningful, yet they mean nothing. I really love it when they say "I've never said that to any girl before." And I really love how people's opinions are so easily manipulated by other people's opinions. I love how the L-word can slip out after a week, but a few days later he's not even interested. I love it how this shit means nothing. One of the greatest weeks of my life. Just another week.

But I'll always have Kat. I can't believe she's gonna be gone all fucking summer!!! I'm gonna miss her.miss her.miss her.
DEZ Disasta: hey darlin!
DEZ Disasta: thanks for calling me, bitch
ihavea squarejaw: hello.
ihavea squarejaw: sorry, Ryan and i got into a fight.
DEZ Disasta: aww i'm sorry
DEZ Disasta: what happened?
ihavea squarejaw: meh. he was just being a jerkface. but its okay now.
ihavea squarejaw: i konw he loves me.
ihavea squarejaw: hahhaa
ihavea squarejaw: how are thing with you?
DEZ Disasta: well today was WAY FUCKING EVENTFUL to say the least
DEZ Disasta: ummm i can't stand shelby
DEZ Disasta: oh and john broke up with me yesterday
DEZ Disasta: but i'm okay with it
ihavea squarejaw: WHAT????
ihavea squarejaw: tell me what happened.
DEZ Disasta: okay well john broke up with me because he's moving to austin in three months and he thinks it'll be way easier on both of us if we just end it now. i completely disagree because i think if we really like eachother as much as we say we do... i know i like him A LOT A LOT A LOT... then we should cherish the time we have and be with eachother and just deal with him leaving when it actually happens
ihavea squarejaw: yeah, duh. this seems like out of the blue.
DEZ Disasta: but we're still friends and he called me as soon as he woke up this morning and talked to me about random shit for more than a half hour so i'm not too worried about it. i think he'll realize he made the wrong choice soon
ihavea squarejaw: yeah, im sure he will
DEZ Disasta: yeah... well he had been kinda weird around me the past 2 days, ever since we had this bullshit talk, so i knew something was up and this was it
DEZ Disasta: so do you know what happened a few days ago? i'm pretty sure i haven't talked to you in a while
DEZ Disasta: it's all so fucking ridiculous. i honestly cannot stand shelby AT ALL. she's a stupid bitch
ihavea squarejaw: oh man, im so sorry.
ihavea squarejaw: no i dondt knwo what happend.
ihavea squarejaw: do tell
DEZ Disasta: okay well john wanted me to spend the night with him so i told my parents i was spending the night at merida's. i don't remember all the details right now cuz there's so much shit in my head right now... but i went over to shelby's because that's where john was and i was gonna hang out with him for a while there, but the second i got there i was really really bored. they were just talking about skateboarding and shit, so i called kat and talked to her and then i decided to go over there. it was like 11pm..maybe almost 12 and it was thursday night. okay so i went over to kat's and i told john i'd be back later to pick him up and go to his house cuz i was bored and then i left. so i was at kat's for a while and then she got tired, so i left and decided to go to ryan's apartment and hang out with tweek and bryce cuz they were REALLY REALLY drunk and acting really hilarious. everyone was drinking. ryan and nicole were at digger and shelbys too...
DEZ Disasta: so i go over to ryan's and i'm hanging out with tweek and bryce for a while but tweek said he was getting tired and bryce was being kinda boring so i called john to see if he could be ready to leave soon cuz i was bored again
DEZ Disasta: well bryce decides he wants to talk to john so i give him the phone, but then he asks for shelby (this is a really long story)
ihavea squarejaw: hahaha okay
DEZ Disasta: so he starts talking to shelby and starts getting WAY fucking emotional cuz he's really drunk
ihavea squarejaw: hurry a little b/c i only slept an hour last night and i have to sleep soon.
ihavea squarejaw: awww
DEZ Disasta: he tells her he still loves her and he misses her and he made a lot of mistakes and blah blah blah
ihavea squarejaw: aww oh no
DEZ Disasta: so i go hang out with tweek for a while... and bryce is STILL on the phone
DEZ Disasta: so i go inside to get it, cuz i don't get free night minutes, but he's locked himself in the bathroom crying on the phone to shelby
ihavea squarejaw: oh my lord
DEZ Disasta: okay so i make him get off the phone and he starts flipping out about shelby
DEZ Disasta: he's going hysterical, kicking shit all over the apartment and he puched the wall REALLY hard
DEZ Disasta: so i call john and im like "i want to leave NOW i don't want to be here. bryce is punching holes in the wall and he's kicking shit all over the place. he's freaking out and i want to leave."
DEZ Disasta: so john immediately tells shelby whats going on and hangs up
ihavea squarejaw: awww
DEZ Disasta: so i call shelby and she's like "were coming over" and hangs up
ihavea squarejaw: weird.
DEZ Disasta: so i call again and tell her not to come over because i know bryce does not want to see her
ihavea squarejaw: yeah
DEZ Disasta: but i just get hung up on again
ihavea squarejaw: lame
DEZ Disasta: so i call again to clarify that he's not ACTUALLY punching holes in the walls.. i overexagerated it a bit
ihavea squarejaw: im gonna hide so no one sees me, but im still here
ihavea squarejaw signed off at 10:58:54 PM.
DEZ Disasta: okay
ihavea squarejaw: ohh yeah
DEZ Disasta: okay so i tell her that and then john calls me
DEZ Disasta: he's really pissed
DEZ Disasta: because apparently there was no reason for me to exagerrate that and it's a HUGE deal that i did
DEZ Disasta: apparently i had made everyone freak out about nothing and i made a huge deal about nothing
ihavea squarejaw: okay.. he still is punching teh wall..
DEZ Disasta: john is yelling at me about this shit for OVER 20 minutes
ihavea squarejaw: what?? was Shelby NOT on the phoen wtih hime?
DEZ Disasta: and he doesn't let me get a word in
ihavea squarejaw: i hate that
DEZ Disasta: he got off the phone with her and then started puching shit
DEZ Disasta: puNching
ihavea squarejaw: yeah.
DEZ Disasta: so anyway, john goes on and on and on and on about i shouldn't exagerate things like i do, especially when it's a HUGE deal like thins
DEZ Disasta: this*
DEZ Disasta: and then he brings cocaine into the discussion
DEZ Disasta: the other day i was hanging out with john shelby digger and ryan and john just started talking about cocaine... did i tell you about that?
ihavea squarejaw: yeah you did
DEZ Disasta: okay well according to john i flipped out about that and tried to make him feel really bad, when in reality all i did was i got really quiet and felt uncomfortable
ihavea squarejaw: awww
DEZ Disasta: and i have no idea what this has to do with exagerating shit... but he brought this up and included it in his 25 minute lecture to me
DEZ Disasta: okay so i was like "john i don't have night minutes. let's talk about this when i come to get you"
ihavea squarejaw: yeah
DEZ Disasta: so after i finally got him to believe that i don't get free night minutes he hung up
DEZ Disasta: so i go over to get him and as soon as i walk in shelby starts flippiung the fuck out about me exagerrating
DEZ Disasta: she said i was LYING
ihavea squarejaw: WHAT???
DEZ Disasta: and she goes "it's the same thing as if i were to say that buttons got hit by a car and a minute later i call back and i say it was actually a toy car"
ihavea squarejaw: does she even know you?
DEZ Disasta: yueahhhhh..... that's totally the same thing
ihavea squarejaw: that is SO dumb
DEZ Disasta: stupid bitch
DEZ Disasta: so i'm just like so fucking confused cuz i honestly do not understand why this has been made into a huge deal and i can't take it anymore so i just leave and i call john from outside so we can talk about this shit
DEZ Disasta: so he finally comes outside and we finally just let the whole punching the wall thing go cuz i can't stand talking about it anymore. it's not a big deal and i'm just sick of hearing that it is, so he let's it go. so we start talking about the coke thing and .... do you want me to just call you and finish this up? it would be quicker
ihavea squarejaw: uhh, ryan and iare "talking" currently.
ihavea squarejaw: you can keep typing
ihavea squarejaw: ill be up for a little while longer
DEZ Disasta: okay then i will
ihavea squarejaw: i dont mind reading!
DEZ Disasta: alright so he starts talking about the cocaine thing. he keeps saying i made a huge fucking deal about nothing and i should just get used to him doing it because he's going to do it and he doesn't even do it much and he's going to be leaving soon so it doesn't even matter. and he was like it's a part of his life so if i ask about his day he's going to tell me if he's done drugs and he's going to want to tell me what he did, so i should be cool with it because he doesn't want to lie about it. so whenever i was able to get a word in, i was like i can more than likely handle him doing drugs because he's really special to me and i don't want to ask him to quit because we're not going to be together for THAT long because he is moving.. so i told him i would be okay with it, but if i heard shit aobut it, i would freak out. that's just how i am. i get uncomfortable and i can't change that shit. that's just how i am. and i told him it wouldn't be lying to me, it would just be him not explaining something that i know he did... there's no reason to give me details
DEZ Disasta: and after all this shit took place... this conversation lasted about an hour, he told me that he didn't want to spend the night with me. the mood was just not there. so i was kinda freaking out because i had nowhere to go. it's like 2:30 in the morning at this time and i can't just go home
ihavea squarejaw: yeah, thats understandbile
DEZ Disasta: so after a while, i talked him into me staying anyways... but he wanted to go to ryan's with shelby and digger first to continue this little party night
DEZ Disasta: and i wanted to go too because i wanted to hang out with tweek. we were getting along really well... and i wasn't tired yet
ihavea squarejaw: thats god
ihavea squarejaw: good
DEZ Disasta: so john talked shelby into being civil with me and we went over to ryan's apartment
DEZ Disasta: alright so we went there and the whole time, shelby was being rude and avoiding me
ihavea squarejaw: lame
DEZ Disasta: until the end of the nighta round 4ish we had this shaving cream fight and she was coolwith me so i was just like "whatever" cuz i don't like fighting with people. especially over stupid shit that was just blown way out of proportion
DEZ Disasta: so that night i go back to john's and we have a really good night
ihavea squarejaw: yeah
DEZ Disasta: but the next 2 days he's really weird around me and kinda being rude to me so i know something's up
ihavea squarejaw: aww
ihavea squarejaw: i hate that
DEZ Disasta: so i talked to him last night and he tells me what he's been thinking... that we're going to get really hurt in the end blah blah blah and we should jsut end it now
DEZ Disasta: alright so today i talked to him on the phone a lot and we're really cool with eachother and shit's all good...
ihavea squarejaw: that is good at least
DEZ Disasta: i hung out with kat all day and john really wanted to hang out but i told kat we'd spend the day alone so i told john i'd be back by 6... so i got back and he's with shelby and ryan's moms house and he's having a good time so i was just like that's cool and i continued hanging out with kat
DEZ Disasta: then we decided to make appearances at people's houses and after we passed you we decided to go to ryan's mom's house and say hey to everyone
ihavea squarejaw: hahah
DEZ Disasta: before we went in kat thought it would be funny to say we stalled on the highway and walked the rest of the way so we made up this story about breaking down and i carried my shoes in and shit.. it was kinda funny. but everyone was acting really strange while we were there so we didn't stay long
DEZ Disasta: then we took tweek to work cuz ryan and nicole forgot or something and we stayed at braums for a while
DEZ Disasta: k so then shelby calls kat's phone to talk to me and she's like "you can't come to ryan's mom's house anymore. you're banned from there" and she sounded excited about it and i was just like what the fuck
DEZ Disasta: so i asked her why
ihavea squarejaw: what???
DEZ Disasta: and she was like "do you really want me to tell you? i don't want you to call me a bad friend again for no reason" and i was like "just tell me of course i want to know why"
ihavea squarejaw: oh god.
DEZ Disasta: and she was like "because you're a druggie, you lie...." and something else. so i was like WHAT THE FUCKIN SHIT and i asked to speak to ryan's mom about it
ihavea squarejaw: yeah?
ihavea squarejaw: you dont lie OR do drugs..
DEZ Disasta: so she's like "you're a liar and a back stabber. you break up with tweek for something you do too" and i was like "what are you talking about? i honestly don't understand" so she's like "you do drugs and you broke up with him for doing what you do" and then i realized she was talking aobut marijuana and i just agreed with her because i don't want to debate with her that marijuana is completely different than the shit tweek does
ihavea squarejaw: yeah..
DEZ Disasta: and she went on about me being a liar and back stabber i just go "whatever. that's fine" and i hung up because that fucking bullshit
ihavea squarejaw: and what does it matter if you and tweek break up? thats not her business.
ihavea squarejaw: yeah
ihavea squarejaw: you are nto a backstabber at all.
DEZ Disasta: then shelby calls me back and she's like "that's really fucked up that you broke up with tweek for doing drugs and now you're going out with john and he does the same shit blah blah blah" okay shelby talked me into staying with john. you know i was gaoing to break up with john because i know i can't handle that shit. but you and shelby said the same thing. she said that this is a once in a lifetime thing and i shouldn't base every relationship on what happened with tweek. this is a completely different thing and i should give it a chance. so i thought what the heck, because he is leaving and if it turns into a way serious thing, i could deal with that shit then...
DEZ Disasta: and then she starts talking about how i've changed now that i'm with john and i lie about things and i've completely changed my opinions and beliefs for him
DEZ Disasta: and she's also not letting me defend myself at all and she's not listening to a thing i say
DEZ Disasta: and then she asked something about my car and i told her kat and i were jsut kidding about that so she tells everyone that i was lying about the car and she hangs up on me... and that's the last time i talked to her
DEZ Disasta: too bad shelby is the one who exagerates EVERYTHING. and she gets pissed at me for doing what she aided in talking me into. and she's the one that's changed a fuck of a lot. she's such a shitty friend
ihavea squarejaw: man, i am so sorry.
ihavea squarejaw: that really sucks.
ihavea squarejaw: that is really rude of her.
DEZ Disasta: she was happy that i couldn't go to ryan's moms and she tries to get everyone to agree with her and tries to get people to not like me and she says everyone is on her side
ihavea squarejaw: so why exactly can you not go to ryans moms anymore?
DEZ Disasta: and then kat tried calling john a few times and shelby answered his phone everytime and she was like "we're talking. call back later" she tries to control everyone's life
DEZ Disasta: because of what i did to tweek and because i'm a liar and a backstabber
DEZ Disasta: i completely don't understand how i'm either of those things
ihavea squarejaw: thats so dumb
ihavea squarejaw: you arent any of those things
DEZ Disasta: but i'm sure she heard it from shelby
DEZ Disasta: and i'm a druggie
ihavea squarejaw: that is so dumb.
DEZ Disasta: shelby just talks shit
DEZ Disasta: that's all she ever does
ihavea squarejaw: im really sorry.
DEZ Disasta: she's the most dramatic person i have ever met
DEZ Disasta: so these past few days have been insane and i really don't understand any of it
DEZ Disasta: when i'm wrong, i do admit it... and i don't understand how any of this hostility toward me is necessary
DEZ Disasta: i did nothing at all
ihavea squarejaw: you really didnt.
ihavea squarejaw: maybe it will blow over ina few days?
DEZ Disasta: no i really don't think so. i can't just let go the shit that shelby did. she talks way too much shit. like there's no reason for her to be pissed or think i've changed... it's all completely ridiculous. i think she's just rather ridiculous
ihavea squarejaw: i meant like ryans mom and john and stuff
ihavea squarejaw: i really have to go to bed, i feel really sick.
ihavea squarejaw: im so sorry abotu all of this.
ihavea squarejaw: ill call you tomorrow
ihavea squarejaw: feel better.
ihavea squarejaw: love you
ihavea squarejaw: <33
DEZ Disasta: i think me and john will be okay... sleep well!!
DEZ Disasta: thanks for reading all this crazy shit
ihavea squarejaw: of course
DEZ Disasta: goodnight

DEZ Disasta: hey hey hey!
ihavea squarejaw: hi!
ihavea squarejaw: i thought of you today!
ihavea squarejaw: eeee
ihavea squarejaw: heheh
DEZ Disasta: oh yay!
ihavea squarejaw: heheh
ihavea squarejaw: did you talk to Tweek yesterday?
DEZ Disasta: i thought of you too!! i was sitting outside babies r us waiting for my dad to come get me cuz i broke my car and i was about to call you because my dad was late and i wanted to talk to someone
ihavea squarejaw: awww, what happened to your car??
ihavea squarejaw: can you fix it?
DEZ Disasta: yeah i did. we're pretty cool i guess. he was expecting me to just completely forgive him and he was like "so now are you going to start calling me like you used to and wanting to hang out with me a lot?" and i was like "what the fuck? no".. but i told him i'm pretty much over it and i've moved on. i'm cool with being friends with him... but i won't ever forgive what he did unless he just completely proves me wrong or something
DEZ Disasta: but i went over to ryan's today and hung out with tweek a bit. it wasn't bad at all
DEZ Disasta: so basically.... what happened with the car....
ihavea squarejaw: that is good! im glad for that
ihavea squarejaw: good job
DEZ Disasta: alright john and i went to the mall because john needed new glasses.. he got tired of his old ones and broke them. so we're driving through the parking lot and i see this dude who looks kinda weird so of course - i have to make fun of the guy and pretend to be interested and be all flirty and wink at him. and right when i do this, i pop the curb fuckin HARDxxxCORE and knock my tire all the fuck out of whack so i get off the curb and start driving like 10 mph and my steering wheel is shaking like a bitch and my tire, according to john my dad and the 10 kids who stopped walking and started cracking up about my car, is pretty much about to fall off. the thing was shaking around like mad
DEZ Disasta: but i took it to vrej's shop today and he's only charging me $75 to fix it
ihavea squarejaw: awww, Desi!!! thats so sad, but at least you only have to pay 75 dollars to fix it.
ihavea squarejaw: you didnt get hurt right?
ihavea squarejaw: oh my gosh, i would have been BALLING.
ihavea squarejaw: did you drive it home?
DEZ Disasta: oh no i didn't get hurt at all
ihavea squarejaw: that is good
DEZ Disasta: i just stopped and i go "holy shit... i did not just do that. tell me i didn't just do that"
DEZ Disasta: and john just busts out laughing
DEZ Disasta: karma is such a bitch. i've been making fun of people way too much
ihavea squarejaw: yeah, that does suck
ihavea squarejaw: but at least it only costs you 75$ and you wont make fun of people anymore.
ihavea squarejaw: or at least a litle less haha
ihavea squarejaw: im totaly sitting in my bra and underwear right now b/c i feel so hot.
ihavea squarejaw: and not temperature wise.
DEZ Disasta: hahaha you're so effing sexy
DEZ Disasta: but yeah i'm really glad it's only $75
DEZ Disasta: i thought it would be a couple hundred easy
ihavea squarejaw: hahah thanks, i do try.
ihavea squarejaw: yeah, that would have sucked.
DEZ Disasta: i felt like doing art naked earlier
ihavea squarejaw: aww
ihavea squarejaw: thats cute.
DEZ Disasta: cuz i was in this really bad mood and thought it would make me happy ... it probably would
DEZ Disasta: but then i felt like checking myspace first
ihavea squarejaw: hahaha
ihavea squarejaw: yeah i always do things like that
ihavea squarejaw: like getting on myspace
ihavea squarejaw: instead of something else haha
DEZ Disasta: hahah
DEZ Disasta: we're such losers
ihavea squarejaw: hahah i know
DEZ Disasta: at least you do it in your undies
ihavea squarejaw: awww Ryan just called me!
ihavea squarejaw: hahahah this is true.
DEZ Disasta: awww
ihavea squarejaw: i love when he calls me and tells me he loves me before i tell him
ihavea squarejaw: and then he told me twice in a row
ihavea squarejaw: and he doesnt say bye at night time he always says goodnight, and i say i love you.
ihavea squarejaw: awww
ihavea squarejaw: eee
ihavea squarejaw: hehe
DEZ Disasta: i hope john calls me before i go to sleep.
ihavea squarejaw: i love Love.
ihavea squarejaw: he better or ill kick his butt
DEZ Disasta: he did cocaine yesterday and just started openly talkinga bout it in front of shelby digger ryan and me like i wouldn't care
DEZ Disasta: and i just sat there like what the hell...
ihavea squarejaw: tweek did?
DEZ Disasta: cuz i know he does it and we didn't talk about it really but he knows i hate it so i thought he would break it to me better than that
DEZ Disasta: john
DEZ Disasta: and that is what put me in a really bad mood
ihavea squarejaw: ohhhh
ihavea squarejaw: aww that is sad
ihavea squarejaw: did yall talk about it?
DEZ Disasta: no cuz i had to go home
ihavea squarejaw: aww
ihavea squarejaw: im sorry
DEZ Disasta: i don't know what i'm gonna do. i'm trying to just be okay with it because i know he doesnt' do it much and he can handle it.. he knows what he's doing. nothing's ever happened to him before. but i just feel really uncomfortable with him doing them. there's always a chance that he'll want more or something will happen.. it could be laced with whack shit. i don't know... it just scares me
ihavea squarejaw: aww you are so cute about it all.
DEZ Disasta: but i'm so crazy about him. i felt the same way about him after a week as i did about tweek after 4 months
ihavea squarejaw: thats how Ryan is. he never does hard drugs he only does weed. but hes done coke before, but nothing bad happened.
ihavea squarejaw: yeah, i think yall have something amazing.
ihavea squarejaw: do yall say i love you yet?
DEZ Disasta: he said it the other night!!! he didn't mean to
DEZ Disasta: it was so cute
ihavea squarejaw: awww
ihavea squarejaw: hahah thats just like Ryan.
ihavea squarejaw: oh man i love that story. haha
DEZ Disasta: he just like said it and didn't even realize it.. then he said something else like acting like he didn't say it and i go "what did you say?" and he said the thing he said after "i love you" and then i was like "that is so not what you said"
ihavea squarejaw: hahahaha
ihavea squarejaw: awww!
DEZ Disasta: and then i just dropped it and the next day he goes "why aren't you in love with me yet?" and i actually explained to him why i don't just say it like that and i told him that i've totally fallen for him already and i do belive i am in love with him
ihavea squarejaw: awwwwwwwww
ihavea squarejaw: eeeee! i am SO in love with this
DEZ Disasta: yeah... i'm just not feeling so friendly with his drug abuse
ihavea squarejaw: yeah, that has to be hard.
ihavea squarejaw: at least hes cut down A LOT form what he used to do
ihavea squarejaw: when i went out with him he did way more. so at least hes changed htat.
ihavea squarejaw: so there is a LOT of hope.
DEZ Disasta: yeah there is
DEZ Disasta: i'm trying not to worry too much about it. what we have is way too awesome for this to fuck up
ihavea squarejaw: yeah, it really is.
ihavea squarejaw: my darling love, im gonig to sleep i get to go to school tomorrow! and i so cant wait.
ihavea squarejaw: hahaha
ihavea squarejaw: so ill talk to you soon.
ihavea squarejaw: i love you
DEZ Disasta: okay have a good night
DEZ Disasta: love you
ihavea squarejaw: i so will
ihavea squarejaw: you too!
ihavea squarejaw: and dont worry so much, everything will turn out okay.


I love McKaye. And I really am not looking forward to working until 5:30 tomorrow WITHOUT my usual lunch with John. WTF?